It's Been So Long, I Forgot I Had A Blog

So, ideally, I'd still like to one day work in the music industry making music. There are two major problems with being an individual artist with a genuine sound. I really don't know how to play any instruments, though I've dabbled in guitar and piano. Secondly, my knowledge of music theory is atrocious. Quite frankly, I couldn't compose anything more musically challenging than something along the lines of "Mary Had A Little Lamb". So I've taken to writing. I have always been inclined to write, whether it's silly poems, angst-y journal entries, or stories. I love writing, I do. So, I'm now a Literature Major in college. Funny how life turns out, right? Anyways, I haven't given up on music. I took a guitar class last semester, and this semester I'm in Voice lessons and Choir. Even though the instructors tend to favor those in Cantabileers, their elite choir, I'm hoping I'll get a solo in 'Seasons of Love'.

As for the writing, I've sorely disappointed my instructor in that area... I'm currently taking Literature in Translation. Sounds glamorous, but really we're reading novels that have already been translated. We don't have to do any of the hard work. It's funny, really. I knew my paper was going to be a disappointment. There was too much summarization of the plot, and not enough critical thinking. I really struggled with the paper. I had this interpretation, but I struggled with putting it into words, so I just took points from the story, hoping the professor would see what I saw. I knew it was the wrong way to go about it, but I couldn't find another way. I constantly doubt my decision to be a writer.

Here I Am Again.....

I highly doubt anyone aside from me is reading this, but hey, someday that might change.

So, I'm working on actually making one of my songs into a real song. With like instruments and stuff. How cool is that? I'm super stoked. I'm working with this friend of mine named Nick. I am thinking I will show him that song I wrote earlier this year, or was it late last year? I post so infrequently I couldn't even tell you. However, the problem with showing him that one is I don't know how much I actually like it, and a lot of it doesn't even rhyme. Songs don't sound very good without rhymes so........ NOT the point. Sorry, I'm sort of scatter brained all the time. My mind sort of runs at 100 thoughts per seconds it sometimes feels like. Anyways, I guess I'll copy and paste that song for you guys to look at, eh?

Kaila Darling, You're So Blind

lyrics by Breanna Belgarde

Music (hopefully) by Nick Witham

Here's a rhythm,

to match your heartbeat

A melody

for your voice to sing

I only want to speak

to the real you

to understand

your choice that brings

So much pain

and all that distrust

Please let me in

because

[bridge]

I have been there

when you stumbled

been witness when

your walls crumbled

[chorus]

You can't tell me

you're not scared

Don't try to act

As if you don't care

I can hear the truth

hiding behind your lies

See past the mask

through your disguise

You care too much

about what others see

what others believe

what they want you to be

You test my patience

Are a source of so much doubt

I can't begin to figure you out

I can only hold your hand,

mirror your smile

Hope that you will stay for awhile

you think you're broken

but the thing you don't know

is your faults and imperfections,

make you so much more

[chorus]

So reveal your true self

Peel off all your guises

stop hiding in the arms

of all your vices

I know you're in there

....somewhere

when you break free

Know the world is ready and waiting

My Posts Are So Few and Far Between

So, I haven't given up on my dream of singing, because it's really all I want to do, but I'm going to school for writing and theatre right now. I started January 17th.

School is going well, for the most part. I had some obstacles, ran into a few road blocks, but things have smoothed out and my classes don't seem to be too hard. I like all of my classes, except Intro to Public Speaking, but it's sort of a necessity and could prove useful for my choice of career. So, it's a necessary evil. Also inevitable since it's pretty much required for every degree.

Sometimes I ask myself why I went back to school. What can school offer me at this point? Yet, here I am. I'm learning quite a bit, but I'm not sure how useful it will be. I'll keep you guys updated.

I just celebrated my 20th birthday. It was a lot of fun. I watched a lot of anime. Nerdy? Definitely. :)

I'm looking into buying this Subaru, but it's going to have to be put off for another day. I found out I had to work. :(

So, on an entirely different topic, I kinda like two guys at the same time, and if that wasn't awkward enough, they are best friends. Kinda stinks. The one who appeared to be reciprocating my feelings however, also likes another girl. It's sort of a mess.Ce la vi, I guess.

Anyways, I can tell you guys thought that was really exciting. I'm done writing about stupid b.s. now. :)

Wow... I am probably the worst blogger out there......

Hi again to my single follower. An update to my life.

I'm not seeing the sexy Irishman anymore.
I dated a cowboy for awhile. That just ended. End of love life update.

I'm going to keep the title the same, because I have decided that I'm too young to give up on my dreams, and I'm going to hate myself if I don't even try. I may not be a rock star, but i wanna sing. Maybe I will act and sing, because, hey, I really enjoy acting as well.

Also, I know my grammar sucks right now. There are probably a million typos in here and run on sentences that don't make any sense, but deal with it. I just got back from the company Christmas party my work held, it's past 1 a.m. and I'm finally getting tired, ok? So deal with it.

I'm staying up because I was hoping someone would have an after after party that wasn't at the bar so I could at least hang out and socialize for a bit, but no one wants to... I think they suck right now... Only because I'm jealous though. Everyone's out having a good time, but I'm stuck at home bored, because I'm not legal to hang out in a bar, even if I'm not going to drink.... Gr....

Also, I'm moving to an entirely new city in May/June ish time. I'm very excited. It's going to be an adventure. :) So wish me luck!

Again, it's been quite some time.... Funny how life gets in the way.

So.... Ya know that sweet sexy Irishman I told you about??? Things are really complicated. We were sort of doing a fwb thing, but I have feelings for him. He was trying to move to Kalispell but now he might stay because he's going to be making 12 an hour..... It's just really... Ugh, I don't even want to talk about it.

Also, I might have to change the name of my blog because..... As much as I would love to sing for a career, I'm honestly not sure I'm good enough. I've got a little raw talent and with some work I'd be pretty good, but unless I was a total sell out poser, I don't think I could make it. And I don't want to be a fake, ya know? However, my room mate and I were talking and we think we struck gold with one of our ideas. Open up a cafe thats a cafe during the day, BUT a NIGHT CLUB at night. This town doesn't have ANY night clubs. It has a lot of bars, but the law here is that you can't be in a bar unless you're 21 and older so.... What do teenagers and adults who aren't 21 yet have to do around here? NOTHING. We think it's a pretty bomb idea and I think I could handle living here if it had those things, ya know? And as she pointed out, I could sing there. I was thinking of doing a Burlesque-ish themed place, ya know? Only that would be a couple nights a week. The rest it would just be for dancing, ya know? And then on one or two nights a week, I could go  sing, yeah? So I'm pretty stoked. It's not exactly what I had in mind, but if I can pull it off, I think it's almost as good as my dream..... :)

Hello Again!

To all the followers I may or may not have, I'm very sorry for not posting in such a long time. Life got kinda crazy and I haven't been on the computer a whole lot. So a lot of thing have happened since I last posted. Where to begin?

4th of July-
WORST HOLIDAY EVER.
So, I already had a strong dislike for this holiday before this year. I don't like fireworks to begin with. The only good thing about it is BARBEQUES!!!! However, this year I didn't get the big barbeque like I normally do. Instead I worked a double and that evening my dog got hit by a car. He spent a very long time in the vet hospital. He just got out a couple days ago. So that was my 4th.

Also, I've been ill pretty much all summer. I've been on antibiotics for probably almost all of it. Started with a sinus infection. Then a UTI. Then an infection. Then another UTI. For those of you who don't know what a UTI is, it's a Urinary Tract Infection and it's awful. It hurts to pee, or it hurts when you realize you need to pee. Sometimes it makes you feel like you have to pee very very frequently and it's not like "Oh I kinda gotta use the restroom" it's "I GOTTA PEE RIGHT NOW" out of NOWHERE. So that's my summer so far.

Also, I went out to karaoke and ran into this girl that thinks I'm a boyfriend stealing slut. I had been out at the lake all day and hadn't been home, I'd been with a friend who is quite a bit larger than me. (It's not hard to do I'm a pretty tiny person) Anyways, I was in a bathing suit and in one of her t-shirts that was as long as a dress on me. I had no shorts or pants because she had none that would fit me. I was also in her heels. So this girl tried to look down on me and imply with her tone of voice and her sneer that I was beneath her. I laughed. I was in a bathing suit. I could have run around with just that and the heels and I still wouldn't have thought the outfit was slutty. I told her so. She didn't have a come back. It was wonderful.

So I've been single, and I've gone out of my way to keep it that way. I've been trying to leave this town forever, but this sweet sexy Irishman came along and now I guess I'm still single but I'm kinda seeing him. Does that make any sense? Anyways, the point is I'm not trying to stay single anymore. I don't know what exactly I'm doing, but I'm definitely not going out of my way to avoid dating....

I think that's about it......

My First Gay Pride Celebration

So, yesterday, Friday, I went to my first gay pride celebration. It was in Bozeman, Montana and it was FABULOUS! They had a drag show and almost everyone was amazing. There was this one drag queen who was a little bland, but she was still gorgeous. It was so much fun. At first I was really shy, I was worried that they would all be stuck up because almost all the homosexuals I know in my town are super stuck up, but once I got the courage to start talking to people they were really cool. I met so many new people, sadly I'm terrible with name so I don't really remember any of their names. Except Randi, who I think may be my new best friend. Seriously, I started talking to him and we had that instant connection. He's so fantastic, and he's really great at dressing in drag. He showed me some pictures off of his phone and I didn't realize it was him. He makes a really hot woman, which is odd, because he's also a really hot man. You wouldn't think you could do both but he definitely can. I also met this super sexy asian lesbian, unfortunately she has a girlfriend. She still danced with me though, which is awesome because girl can dance. I loved it. I told her I wanted one of her to take home with me. It made her laugh which made me feel good. I like making people laugh. I didn't get back into town until 2a.m. and it was totally worth it. That was my experience. With a lot left out.